24th Nov 2022; the day our 10th Prime Minister sworn into office, one I'm proud to call our leader (next to Dr. M), the one and only, Anwar Ibrahim.
Big moments like this, history-making events like this, would make its way into my reflecting and planning my next big moves in life. I'm not moving alone now, I'm bringing my 2 kids and my husband with me in it. Although my options may be limited, but they are not impossible.
Since all of my debts will be settled this year, I just have to resume contributing to our savings account before having just quite enough for me to quit my job and challenging myself for a master's degree. I imagine it in a year or two. The on the third, we go home. Twenty-twenty five. InsyaAllah.
I hope while doing that, I'm already equipped enough for a freelance role, as a trilingual machine learning engineer (a remote, and a high-paying professional one at it) where I could work around the globe. I could be by my husband's side while he's pursuing his dream and career, and I could be with the kids when they need me. I could be there for my other family members both in Japan and Malaysia for whatever gathering, events, caring, wedding, or even a simple meeting. That would be a dream come true.
One day, the kids are going somewhere for their degrees, and I plan to come with them. I want to learn what they learn, and maybe join them secretly at their lecture halls a time or two. I want to nurture them to be the best person that they can, a contributing leaders for their religion, country, and their races (cuz they both Japanese and Malay). I want to give them everything that they need to be that. And if I can't, I just wish I will try my very best.
Yesterday, Amir's wife, Anisah just left us to meet our maker. She's so young. She left Bushra and Thohir both 3-ish and 1-ish olds. An asthma attack in the middle of the night a few weeks earlier, carried by ambulance to the ICU but it was too late, her brain was deprived from oxygen a little too long. She was suspected brain-dead albeit her lungs and other organs were working. Her twin sister, and her family kept their turns taking care of her alongside her husband. Mah and baba aak look after her children. Mah said her twin would come and massage her hands and feet because they would go numb and stiff, and being there was painfully scary. Doc said there were possibility she were listening even though there were no response. Amir said her eyes would move trying to find their voices once in a while. But that was it. Then her lungs was infected, and her family refuse to proceed with more operations or tests to not burden her. They would accept the course that Allah has decided for them. They decided they will redha with Allah's decision. Then her doctor advised them to bring her children and families to come see her for their goodbyes, because her health were deteriorating. A couple of days later, she passed. I have yet to call and ask the story of her passing, as I'm sure they are all still in great grief and tired since her funeral yesterday. I'll check on them tomorrow or this weekend, insyaAllah.
I believe she's now with the angels answering their questions, calmly and confidently. She's loved by many, especially by her husband, parents. I believe they've already forgive her wrongdoings if she had some, and she's free of that now, on top of her honoring her duty as a muslim, wife, and a mother. She's with the angels, and soon she would be one too, waiting for her dear children and Amir up in the highest heaven. Amin insyaAllah.
Her passing reminds me of my duty to my girls, and husband, and especially as a muslim. I want to leave this world in a good shape, like her. While I'm good, while I'm loved, while I'm contributing. While I'm with Iman. If I were destined to leave not seeing my girls grow up, I want them to have a set of insurance, security of not only in material form, but also spiritual, emotional, and intellectual. I want to be able to give the means for them to achieve them if I won't be able to provide for them. Amiinn. Only Allah can help me. He's the one who govern our hearts and I rely only to him for the future of me, my children, and my husband's.
My future self, if you're reading this, keep on remember, people often said, life is short, enjoy it, but emphasize this; Eternity is long, prepare for it.
I pray while I'm busy making a career and a family out of my years in this temporary world, I will be more busier making my preparation for eternity. I wish I have the discipline to be istiqamah and the wisdom to balance the two. Amiin.
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