Friday, January 1, 2021

The first day of the year twenty and twenty-one.

Can't believe I'd live to experience a pandemic in the span of my lifetime. It's a virus that attacks the respiratory system, where people with existing conditions are most vulnerable.

I don't have to elaborate this further, as I'm sure there will be more stories about this outside of my space here.

It is the year 2021 today. When I was younger I imagined a different 2021, where most possibly, my imagination impaired by my choices of television programs. 

Anyway, I'm glad it's different because it's better. This life I have now is better than I have ever imagined. Every aspect of my life is being taken care of, and I pray my life will be until the end of its time. 

Allah has been mercifully generous in granting all of my wishes last year, which I'm sure the result of my parents' prayers. I know I'm riding on their prayers all these years, but this year, particularly, it hit differently.

I made a lot of big decisions this year, affected my family member's lives, where everyone played their role in helping my life easier, according to my plan. I am forever indebted to their kindness.

Only Allah can pay back the sacrifices my husband has made for me to be a step closer to my goals, even if that meant he'll keep his in the shadows of mine. The house chores that he takes care of oftentimes more than mine, the financial burden of 4 that he shouldered alone. The extraterrestrial-like support that he provided when greeted with my cryings and curses, pulling me back on my feet when I stumbled upon numerous invitations to give up. The pat on the back for every small bit of success I collected throughout, the flowers, presents, surprises, chocolates, and more, furthermore, are all my 20-something-year-old self wished for, in a kind and loving husband that he is. 

My mother and father, who have been wholeheartedly supporting me despite their better judgments. Listening to my rants even when they might understand differently, trying to hide their yawns (lol), but nodding nonetheless. Even lending me their money without me asking for them, presenting my children the love of caring grandparents, loving them more than I can ever ask for.

My sisters, for their encouragement, emotional and mental support, may they receive whatever their hearts yearn for, insyaAllah. The hour-long phone calls, ugly cries, the only support system that has my back, where I feel safe unconditionally.

My children, who have been nothing but the happyness (intended) in my heart, the softness in my soul, the brightness that I have been longing day and night for the first 20 something years of my life. The reason that I keep going, keep doing what I think is unreachable, but never impossible. My Sarina and Arisa. My flowers, my angels.

I pray that this year will shine as bright as last year, if not brighter. I wish that I will pray and work harder to achieve my goals, think smarter, and be better in whatever Allah permits I attempt in the next 365 days, before stepping on more, in the days after that.