I have always had someone to be a role model for me, albeit their acknowledgement of it. Back in school, my peers and some seniors were those who I looked upon whenever I made my decisions.

Later in life, I embarrassingly refer to my social medias to see what kind of lifestyle/principles do I prefer whenever I see something I want to achieve or how I illustrate my future. I look up to certain moguls and let them rage my enviousness with their perfect lives.

I get too emotional sometimes but I see less harm in it because wanting to be like them make want to work harder. They make me get up in the morning when all I wanted to do was to be a permanent potato couch. (Sadly, I still do.)

But today I realized something absurd, or impossible even. I found nothing/nobody I can seek from to what I really want in life (for now). In 10 years from now, I seek of a pre-financial freedom lifestyle. A full freedom would be on its way 15-20 years from now but I have to make do with what I have in the present.

This pre-financial goal that I have, needs some amendment of the current lifestyle that I am adopting now. This goal that I have structured, shall make us abide to all decisions that would neither burden our kids nor our extended family members in under any circumstances. Simultaneously, I seek a life that would not create enemy, not making public of our private lives (so socials media platform is a no-no), and definitely not having our kids deprived of our love and attention throughout their childhood.

In fact, I seek of a lifestyle that also can contribute to them in any way possible. This goal should also have positive impacts to not only its members but also to its communities, directly and indirectly.

Along with it, in the mean time, I seek to do this by only my husband and myself without having a full-time nanny/maid while also developing my career.

Well, this is where I stumble. I could not find any friend or even a mogul that did all by themselves while wanting to achieve what I want to achieve. All of them have their own helpers, while those who don't have; have dreams of nothing like mine.

I guess I have to be my own role model now...