Zulkaedah (Dhul Qi'dah)

I discovered that this is the month where the Arabs would sit back, and not engage in fighting or the war, in preparation for the Hajj the following month.

Here, in the context of our generation, I would like to think that this is the time that we take, to sit back, reflect, and gather our thoughts on life before moving forward, or take our own personal Hajj the following month...

So here are the events that I consider 'reflections' of the previous months of my life...


😓  I have jumped into the ocean of Machine Learning Engineering without checking my loose life vest which is my essential skills before diving right in.

😓  I have failed my body to maintain its healthy weight by hoarding an extra 10 kgs after I gave birth 2 years and 5 months ago.

😓  I may have taken a big ass loan to enroll in an online Bootcamp-like school to help me with reflection number one.

😓  I also may have taken the savings on ASB from the girls' account to support reflection number 1.

😓  I also may have taken a loan from my mother to help me support reflection number 1.


Wow...I think that's enough reflection for today. Machine Learning is a newly discovered passion of mine, where I put my trust in, where I put my future in. Well, it's not an overstatement if I say I have bet my future on it.

I have given up a lot of things to come here, not so far from where I started, but I'm doing my best.
This is the only thing I could see myself doing in the future. I can't imagine doing anything else. In fact, I don't want to do anything else...

There are a lot of steps to go before I achieve my goal, and I know I would fall a number of times somewhere, maybe fall harder than I have ever fallen, or maybe I will stray further than where I started. But those are necessary to my growth. I could only say I will learn from them and get back up.

So to be able to know how to get back up from the fall, I am gathering as much information, skills, notes, cheat-sheets, and everything in between to slip under my belt.

For all that I know now, my 'Hajj' next month marks the journey that I'm going all out to set myself ready for the biggest transition I have ever set for myself, ever.

Failed.

I can never be a minimalist.
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Or even pretend to be one, more than a month. Sad.
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The culprit: An espresso machine!

The year of no shopping

I need to get this out of my chest and hold this post accountable for my pledge! I mean myself, accountable. Tomorrow will be the 1st of February and I will start this ridiculous idea of the year of no shopping (trial!) Since I've already bought everything our home/we needed on January, I think it is safe to say that I'm reaaadaaaayyyyyyhhhh!

Let's set a few ground rules.

1) I can spend for groceries.
2) I can spend for gifts. (tricky, but only date/occasion-appropriate ones)
3) Read all of my already bought books if I want to buy a new one.
4) No more facial/make up stuff. Already got stocks until end of 2020!!
5) No buying bags, coats, jackets, shoes, even electronics, NO!
6) When in doubt, say NO.

Let's see how far can I go....

Enhance your feeling of self-worth.

I will teach my daughters this as if their lives depend on it. It was not made upon me when I was growing up, not until I got into a boarding school, but it stopped there too, when I left.

In my own family I will force myself to religiously remind my girls that they are worthy, and their efforts and their voices are, too. I will willingly accept their flaws, their shortcomings and their failures as I would want for my own to accept mine.

Judging and critics would only worsen things, negative feedbacks would only draw them further than me. My understanding of what they are going through would help them to recognize their true potentials and eventually their value and self-worths.

Oh I hope I won't ruin this one.