Getting the 'feeling' back.

Good lord, how time flies so fast!

It's 2015 now, and at the almost end of it. I've quit my first real job 3 months ago and now trying to pull myself together so I can get back on my feet. Actually, my dad's trying to get me get back on my feet; by calling me everyday from home asking have I sent my resume to any companies, yet.

I have been enjoying my 'tanam jagung' time, while using ALL my savings for the past 2.5 years (including 3 bonuses, sadly) to travel under budget in this land of rising sun. I just take my own time, renting through 6 airbnbs all throughout Japan under only 3 months. I take trains to undecided destination, take pictures of the trees and dogs and old people, (you must be surprised to see so much old people outside Tokyo), act like a nerd and read books (read: novels) in cafe shops during the day, while lazy-ing around on the bed during the night. Sometimes I also sleep throughout the day and spend the night on movies like an owl, but with heavy eyebags.

But here's the thing about airbnb, it's cheap if you book like 3 months earlier, because the good and cheap ones are still available. My luck must not be with me at this time of the year because I didn't know about this before. I book only a few days earlier, since I have no plans whatsoever. To cushion the impact, I started doing what other people always advice me to do; start saving. (Or in my case, stop online shopping)

On top of eating maggi everyday to save up for this time, I also sold a few of my high heels and winter coats to top up the decreasing balance in my poor bank account. (Now I really know the worth of money, sigh). Anyway, not all things are bad, though. While licking the wound, I told myself that since I love seeing people's home (and go through people's stuff), here's the time to explore!

But not for long.

I already got calls for interviews the past weeks, and tomorrow I have to go to a few more. I hired an agent to help me with the search, and found out that people here often send as much as 100++ resumes online and just wait for the companies to call back for interviews.

I can't be doing that much (coz I have a life?) so I sent to about 50-ish last week but got only 14-ish replies. I don't want to go to that much interviews, and I told my agent to refuse. To my surprise, he put a confused voice and ask if I were serious. "We never say no to the companies, so I hope you will attend all of them and let us compare each interviews, compare and analyse their offers one by one. See you next week." And he hung up.

Guess I have to sell myself to the black suits for a few weeks more. Pray for me!

How did they know?

I have about more than 20 invitations to weddings and engagements waiting inside my FB upcoming events calendar.

Most of them are from childhood friends, high school & college classmates. In other words, they're all about my age. Some of them are marrying someone in our own circle of friends, as some to someone they barely even knew.

You see when we start working, we found someone new, too. And when we realize the chemistry that bonds, within just a few simple family meetings and agreements between two pacts, wedding bells's the result to something special they agreed upon.

But there's something I could not bring myself to understand. It's how they know that they've met the right one. What if...oh I don't mean it the wrong way, but what if that someone turned out wrong? Ops, I guess I meant it the wrong way.

What if something happen one day and one of us regret and blame the marriage instead?

What if we finally realize that what both of us wanted was absolutely different and the marriage's stopping us to achieve them?

What if we found out that the chemistry that once shared suddenly gone?

There are lots of 'What if's to restrain me from saying I'd trust someone to marry him without hesitation.

These 'What if's are the questions that got tangled to one another that makes untangling them seems so impossible.

Even if one is settled, there's another 'What if' coming up next.

I really just can't stop thinking, on how the hell they knew they were marrying the right person?

Favourite quote of Mr. Gui the Science Teacher

Wow lama betul. but, yeay! now i remember my password. Life must go on! :)

dilemma

so my lab prof told me i can write my thesis in japanese or english, any way i prefer, and comfortable with - oh so sweet of you osawa sensei -

and obviously the heart is attached to english, but in the end, what is the use of studying in japanese all these years? 5 years of them you see, so the love somehow has made its way for the language of this country where these two feet stand right now. 

usually ill write down the pros and cons and so i did, and its led to english as the better choice. points were comfortable, more familiar, senang nak goreng-goreng, grammar mistakes are easily trackable, and it can be useful if i were to transfer to english-speaking country for my master's degree. 

didnt say that i wanted to, but as a back up plan if i cant make it for the scholarship since all the chances are fading due to the unfortunate tsunami/earthquake mishap a few months ago, i believe.

adding to it is also the fact that japan's city is quoted the most expensive city in the whole world. PAMA's scholarship as it seems, cant afford, and i dont want to take some loan. i dont want to be in debt.

chances are as thin, and giving up isnt always a bad choice, but there is still hope. so im holding to it, as it is for now.

so back to my dilemma, hurm. let me see. why the hassle? let the future balqis make the decision :P