Dear Arisa,
Today as you looked at me, mouth wide open, smiling with those pair of big beautiful dark brown eyes, amused by the smooch sound I made while kissing your tiny hand, I felt a sting of sadness in my heart because I know one day you might not look at me the same again.
One day you will find out about my flaws and my shortcomings and one day you might decide that I was not the best mother to you. One day you might have grudge against me, or against my decisions affecting you, or not, that might draw you away from me. One day you might feel that I don't love you with all that I have, that I should do better to show it to you.
On those fateful day, I hope you would forgive me for my weaknesses and never cease to believe my whole heart have always been made for both of you and your sister. My only reason for existing is for you two, and your dad alone. I pray that those day will never come but who knows what Allah has prepared for us in the future.
Then again, all those feelings faded away as I noticed you showed me your hands near to my mouth, perhaps wanting me to make that sound again. As I love being your greatest (for now) muse, as long as God would allow me, I would never mind kissing your hand and make that smooch sound over and over again until you decide to scratch my face...and farted. Nice Arisa, nice. Way to tell me you love me too...
(set phrase) A linguistic or conceptual distinction which is of no practical importance or which has no effect on meaning; a perceived difference where there is no actual difference.
Wednesday, August 22, 2018
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
Mistakes I do not want to do, and insyaAllahs I would make myself do
1) I would not criticize my children for who they are, instead if I see fit, I would give them constructive feedbacks to build them up, never to break them apart.
2) I would not remind my children of their failure in life however small I might think it was and take it against them. Especially in front of anybody else. Or even to joke around.
3) I would remind my children that I love them everyday, if not every hour of my living life, in any way possible, any way so they would realize it.
4) I would never burden my children of my own mistakes and make them feel responsible for it.
5) I would never hold my kids guilty for not giving me money or any material figure so they can show me their appreciation for raising them.
6) I would make myself available for my children in every occasion during they will be needing me however petty/unimportant/insignificant that occasion is to me at the time.
7) I would lend my ear and soul for them during when they need mine to help them go through life, however simple I think that is at the time.
2) I would not remind my children of their failure in life however small I might think it was and take it against them. Especially in front of anybody else. Or even to joke around.
3) I would remind my children that I love them everyday, if not every hour of my living life, in any way possible, any way so they would realize it.
4) I would never burden my children of my own mistakes and make them feel responsible for it.
5) I would never hold my kids guilty for not giving me money or any material figure so they can show me their appreciation for raising them.
6) I would make myself available for my children in every occasion during they will be needing me however petty/unimportant/insignificant that occasion is to me at the time.
7) I would lend my ear and soul for them during when they need mine to help them go through life, however simple I think that is at the time.
Middle of the night ramble
I'm afraid of people.
Specifically, I'm afraid of their judgements, words, and accusations.
I try to be nice and play along even when their judgements hurt me.
I try to look past through them but when thrown with it everyday I'll start to believe that they are real.
Sometimes I will brave myself to utter some words to defend what is left of me.
Or sometimes I slide in a few jokes to tell them that it's not okay to say that to me.
But I guess they look past that too, because they did it again today.
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
5 magic words
When I was 13 I was enrolled into a boarding school and was sent hundreds of kilometers away from the most comfortable space I called 'home'.
I then realized that that was the most profound turning point that brought me where I am today, to which I would never change, whatever comes my way. I am exactly where I want to be. But that story is for another day.
I also learned that there actually was magic, if not in its real form, to which I have been fed before then but in the form of literature. We know it by the name of 'WORD'. Yes, at the boarding school I learned, that there are 5 magic words.
The initials of the 5s are S.T.E.P.S, but the greatness of each was in no particular order. Now is where I am going to tell you what are the steps.
S- Salam
T- THANK YOU
E- Excuse me
P- Please
S- Sorry
Where are the magic? You might ask. But trust me, the magic of these words lie in our daily lives, instilled in our very being, only if we know where and how to use it. But the most important is, whether or not we use it.
Anyway today I'm gonna just emphasize on one magic word and let you folks figure out the rest by yourselves.
See the one with ALL CAPS? Yes that one.
I find it very irritating and disgusting when people who should be using that word during certain times in their lives fail to utter the very simple two syllables.
I also find it repulsive to these people who earn what they desire or just receiving something that helped them in any ways but have no common sense of saying it, let alone trying to pay the debt as a symbolic gesture.
I always admire the wests, and also the Japanese, in some ways because most of them, they breath the word 'thank you' like its almost the air they 'exhale' after they 'inhale' kind deed from other people.
This habit of saying thank you is what I think a humble human being should have in their core, as their base, in whatever way they wish to express it.
Sadly, this is not common from where I belong, literally and definitely, figuratively.
I then realized that that was the most profound turning point that brought me where I am today, to which I would never change, whatever comes my way. I am exactly where I want to be. But that story is for another day.
I also learned that there actually was magic, if not in its real form, to which I have been fed before then but in the form of literature. We know it by the name of 'WORD'. Yes, at the boarding school I learned, that there are 5 magic words.
The initials of the 5s are S.T.E.P.S, but the greatness of each was in no particular order. Now is where I am going to tell you what are the steps.
S- Salam
T- THANK YOU
E- Excuse me
P- Please
S- Sorry
Where are the magic? You might ask. But trust me, the magic of these words lie in our daily lives, instilled in our very being, only if we know where and how to use it. But the most important is, whether or not we use it.
Anyway today I'm gonna just emphasize on one magic word and let you folks figure out the rest by yourselves.
See the one with ALL CAPS? Yes that one.
I find it very irritating and disgusting when people who should be using that word during certain times in their lives fail to utter the very simple two syllables.
I also find it repulsive to these people who earn what they desire or just receiving something that helped them in any ways but have no common sense of saying it, let alone trying to pay the debt as a symbolic gesture.
I always admire the wests, and also the Japanese, in some ways because most of them, they breath the word 'thank you' like its almost the air they 'exhale' after they 'inhale' kind deed from other people.
This habit of saying thank you is what I think a humble human being should have in their core, as their base, in whatever way they wish to express it.
Sadly, this is not common from where I belong, literally and definitely, figuratively.
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